The Pressure to Pump
I was recently having a conversation with a mom who is about twenty five years older than I am. We were discussing breastfeeding and how norms have changed over the years. The conversation turned to how stressful it can be for new moms to continue to give their baby breastmilk if they work and are spending substantial time apart from their baby each day. Back in the 90s, when my friend had her last baby and returned to work, electric pumps were expensive and not covered by insurance. So she pumped a bit with a manual pump each day, but otherwise supplemented with formula if she was unable to pump enough for her child.
Since this conversation several weeks ago, I can’t stop thinking about how I feel about the pump. On one hand, access to a free pump through insurance has allowed many moms to breastfeed their babies when otherwise it may not have been possible. Many of us know someone (or perhaps we are that someone) that exclusively pumped for their baby. What an amazing feat! To pull out the pump multiple times per day, every day, to ensure that your little one has breastmilk. That’s a super mom. Moms that return to work, weeks or months after the birth of their baby, may also find that they are pumping several times a day. And access to quality, affordable pumps is so important for those moms that end up pumping exclusively or frequently.
But it also feels more nuanced than that to me. In my profession, “mom guilt” is a term that I am using all the time. Mom guilt comes from all directions. We feel it when we compare our grocery cart to the mom the next checkout over, who has her cart filled with produce and organic waffles. We feel it when the pediatrician asks “you’re avoiding screen time, right?” We feel it when we scroll through social media and see an influencer making sensory bins every night for her toddler to dig into the next morning. Mom guilt is everywhere. And the pump has brought with it a new layer for us to consider.
I think back to my friend, the mom from a generation before mine. She stated that she supplemented with formula without a hint of guilt in her voice. And what is there to be guilty for? Her baby needed to eat and she made sure that happened. I think of my contemporary mom friends and I think of myself. Would we - could we - make the same statement about supplementing formula without any hint of guilt behind it? Would we feel the need to follow it up with a statement, trying to explain our low supply or crushing anxiety that prompted us to supplement? Now that we have access to affordable, quality pumps, are we putting pressure on ourselves to provide breastmilk to our babies at all costs or suffer the mom guilt that already plagues us everyday?
In other words - the pump has given us the ability to give more babies more breastmilk. But it has also set us up to feel a compulsion to provide breastmilk, even when it may not be whats best for us as new moms. That supplementing is a last resort because we can always pump (or power pump!) milk. Don’t get me wrong - free pumps have done so much heavy lifting in helping moms participate in the economy and raise their babies how they feel is best, and for that I am extremely thankful. But, like many things, there may be an unintended consequence that is making moms feel like they can’t win.
The research is clear that mom’s who want to breastfeed but are struggling to do so are at an increased rate of postpartum depression. It introduces feelings of failure and inadequacy at a very vulnerable time for a new mother. When a mom is battling depression, it is important to consider all the options to help her work toward healing, including if breastfeeding is the best option for her. But that damn pump… it’s over there on the kitchen counter saying “come on, you can pump a little more. Just try again.”
If you’re like me and feel that push and pull with the pump, I have a few suggestions. First, work with a lactation consultant. The hospital ones are a great place to start, but it’s even better to find someone who works in your community and can come to your home to help you troubleshoot any issues with breastfeeding. Finding someone who sees supplementing as a reasonable path forward is paramount. Secondly, find people who will support you on the rollercoaster of feeding your baby. These may be friends, a spouse, a therapist … but look for someone who loves you and your baby and will support you fully in whatever you decide, whether its to hook yourself up to the pump or forgo it for other plans. Finally, take it one day at a time. If you choose to pump, avoid thinking about how many weeks or months of pumping you have in front of you. All you can do is tackle things as they come, so do your best to keep your mind from wandering to the next page on the calendar.
Oh, and don’t be afraid to swear at your pump periodically. It just feels good.
